Tell me what you think, good and bad welcome. thanks.? - tick tock white rubber bracelet meaning
Bittersweet Los Angeles
Around six hours
The knees are weak, rugby player
Hit the sand in a
Individual license
Fresh from the movie --
Time.
Concrete Hammer
Ocean Front Walk Venice Beach
Ghosts of flower children
Take their beards.
Tick Tock black face
Clock
In the tall, white tower
Strikes in 3 hours and
The whole structure falls
More third street and water
They beat several skeletons faceless
Path unidentifiable, at least
From this distance.
Traffic in the desert
By reflecting bumper
Glow in the dark eyes
Evasive creatures
Death.
Drafts in the process of adaptation
Approximately two million
Mobile homes, large
Satellite dishes and the trash
On the lawn.
Small Asian women within walking distance
Asian men, with the palm on the street
Sponge the wisdom of their
Antique white Nike jealous
If I am squinting
Hats Bass Fishing has been for some
Of interest to me.
Watseka Avenue was
Committing murderCold Blood
However, from bushes
And happy the grass
When she in 1966
Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna!
All updates
Even though the pain still flows in
The knees are weak rugby
"With hundreds of faces or
It flows along the path unidentifiable --
Pour in the Santa Monica
Address realize the localization
And do not forget the beach.
And a director yells cut made
And self-pity backseat
And my stomach is still sick.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Tick Tock White Rubber Bracelet Meaning Tell Me What You Think, Good And Bad Welcome. Thanks.?
2 comments:
I like the flood of images and ideas in this poem. It feels almost like the assault of the senses and very fast. I like the vagueness of the entanglement between word and image. The flow of words keeps moving the reader, when combined with the preceding sentence, or not understood. It's like a new scene from a moving car - I mean that in a good way. This reminds me of Ginsberg. The only suggestion I have is to consider the loss of the case before them. I think all lowercase letters for the free flow of words and thoughts to add. Additionally, you have just a little punctuation, and do not think I have the structure of the poem - if not to an idea that you would like to emphasize more than others. I loved it, though.
This is a very good poem, with the allocation of feeling and emotion in it. All of this feels like a metaphor for life and war, but I have a little trouble in the first verse. The ideas are confused, and I want to read it twice, but the fluidity of the records that I constantly searching for. Maybe you try to make the topic more in the first verse, but other than that, it's fantastic. : 3
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